Jesus: I Speak to You Again

Chapter 6

The Concept of God to a Searching Child

When I was living among you in the flesh, as a child at the lowest level of human understanding, I also struggled to grasp what God—whom the Jews called Yahweh, the Father of Israel—truly was. Even as a young boy, I found it hard to understand why there was this higher Power, this Father of Israel, who was supposed to be feared because He would punish us if we disobeyed.

I couldn’t reconcile this with what I believed about love. How could a loving Father punish His children? Even an earthly father who loved his child wouldn’t immediately turn to punishment if his child made a mistake. Instead, he would try to teach and guide, finding ways to help his child understand. Punishment would only be a last resort, if at all, after all efforts to teach had been made.

It made no sense to me that a Supreme Power, supposedly greater than any earthly father, would behave more harshly and less wisely than the parents I saw around me. Why would this God demand sacrifices—live lambs, birds, or other animals—in exchange for favor? My mind could not accept that a loving Father would require His children to kill innocent creatures to gain His love or blessings.

These thoughts troubled me deeply, and they constantly swirled in my young mind. Yet, there was no one I could turn to with my questions. I had no one to ask why God seemed so harsh, so revengeful. Why did we have to live in fear of Him? Why couldn’t we speak to Him directly instead of going through the rabbis?

I searched for answers, but none of the explanations I found were convincing. So, I had no choice but to turn inward, to ask myself these questions. And surprisingly, as I quietly pondered these things, I began to find answers within myself. These answers brought me a deep sense of peace and satisfaction. They felt real, and they resonated with me in ways that no external teachings had.

Why shouldn’t I trust the answers that came from within, even though I didn’t fully understand where they were coming from? As I listened more, I began to believe that God did not punish anyone or cause suffering. Instead, He loved, He shone His light upon us. It wasn’t God who made people afraid; it was their own fears, passed down from their ancestors, that kept them from understanding His love. These fears blinded them to the light, preventing them from asking the same questions I was asking. They didn’t realize they could find the same peace if only they dared to seek the answers within themselves.

Although I didn’t know exactly how these answers came to me, I trusted them more and more. Yet, I couldn’t share this with anyone. People weren’t ready to hear that God loved them more than an earthly father ever could, and that He did not punish us as we had been taught to believe. If I hinted at these ideas, they would react with anger and confusion because they were so deeply attached to the beliefs passed down through generations.

So, I continued to turn inward, asking these questions and discussing them with myself from a very young age. But the more my thoughts diverged from those held by the people around me, the more isolated I became. Those around me, bound by the old teachings and the scriptures, could not help me find answers to the new and growing questions that filled my mind.