Jesus: I Speak to You Again
Chapter 85
My Childhood Was Not Perfect
My trust in the Father and my reliance on Him did not come easily or quickly. It was a long and challenging path for my mind, shaped by the same animal genetic inheritance that shapes yours. Like you, my mind doubted many things, questioned, and searched. It didn’t always understand or accept the answers it encountered.
You should not be afraid of not knowing or of asking questions. Your animal ego may resist asking what it does not know, but do not fear—there is no human being on earth who knows everything. All of creation thrives on growth, learning, and experience. Growth is only possible when you acknowledge that there is always more to learn. Therefore, do not silence your curiosity, but instead, boldly ask and seek answers.
You are the true scientists of life, exploring the uncharted paths of your own experiences and existence. And do not fear mistakes; no one is infallible. Even those who claim that I lived without error misunderstand. I was not a flawless machine; I had emotions, and I too experienced moments of irritation. You do not read about these parts of my life because they were never recorded, but they were part of my human experience.
Had I been different from the other children, I would not have been understood by my friends. I was a restless child who enjoyed playing, running, and climbing like everyone else. My mother often worried about me, fearing that I might get into trouble. Like many children, I sometimes came home late and was scolded by my parents. I saw this as a normal part of growing up, just as my friends did.
I began communing with the Father from a young age, not because I was different, but because neither my parents, friends, nor teachers could answer my deepest questions about God. The scriptures, revered by the Jews, did not satisfy me, and so I turned inward, finding peace in my conversations with the Father. If I had received clearer answers from those around me, I might have sought fewer answers from the Father. But my restless and inquisitive nature caused plenty of challenges for those around me.
I was not a bully, but I did not shy away from defending myself or others. Though I never initiated conflict, I often found myself in fights with other children, sometimes even older boys. Nazareth was a small town, and everyone knew each other, so these conflicts rarely escalated into anything serious. Still, I disliked the senselessness of fighting, yet I could not allow myself to be called a coward.
My life in Nazareth was not easy. I struggled to reconcile the inner peace I felt in my relationship with the Father with the external pressures and expectations of those around me. I often felt misunderstood, even by my parents. I was a normal child, but my inner experiences were complex and difficult to explain.
The relationship with the Father, which grew stronger as I matured, helped me avoid many of the common vices of the time, such as wine drinking and immoral behavior. However, this relationship did not come about solely through my efforts—it was a deep, inward attraction that drew me toward peace and wisdom. Even though I could not fully understand it, I felt that it was something much more profound than anything my human mind could grasp.
This connection brought me both comfort and uncertainty. It was a secret that I held within myself because I could not explain it to others, nor even to myself. It was a part of me that provided inner peace, yet it also stirred a sense of restlessness in my mind, which was always seeking answers. Over time, I began to rely more on this inner relationship with the Father, allowing it to guide me away from the distractions of the world around me.