Jesus: I Speak to You Again
Chapter 11
My Loneliness and Association with the Father
I had to grow up and mature in this world all alone, without anyone to help explain the deeper truths that stirred within me. Once again, I had no choice but to rely on my inner connection with myself and with God, the Father.
At times, my thoughts seemed to brighten suddenly, almost like a light being turned on in my mind. I didn’t know how it happened, but there would be moments when a clear understanding would come to me, as if answering the questions I had been pondering. These thoughts seemed to be a gift from God—my Father, not just the Father of Israel, but my personal Father.
These thoughts would reveal to me that God was one and that He loved everyone equally. He was present everywhere and always, with both the poor and the rich, the Jews and the gentiles, the sick and the healthy, the young and the old, men and women alike. I came to realize that it was humans who turned away from God, not the other way around. It was humans who punished each other—God never punished anyone.
These thoughts brought me such comfort and strength that I began to cherish them deeply. They became a source of light in my life, and I eagerly awaited the next thought that would come to strengthen and guide me further, especially in the difficult and unjust circumstances faced by the Jews.
However, it was painful for me that I had no one to share these thoughts with. No one could understand them because they didn’t align with the teachings of the Scriptures, and so I kept them inside, feeling weighed down by them. I was haunted by the question: How can I share these truths with others so they too can feel the light of these thoughts? How could I make these ideas accessible to everyone? How could I preach them in synagogues and see them take root in people’s hearts?
I didn’t know the path forward, but I felt a burning desire to do something. This inner light, though it both comforted and stirred me, needed to be shared. But how could I proclaim it in a world so closed off to new ideas? How could I spread these thoughts when even in my own home, my beloved parents resisted any word or idea that didn’t come from Scripture?
My reflections on God were my only solace and strength in an environment that allowed no room for my thoughts to blossom. As I felt this comfort grow within me, I found myself turning more frequently from talking with myself to talking directly with God. I no longer wanted to think of Him as the God of Israel, or Yahweh, or the Father of Israel—I wanted to think of Him as my Father.
It brought me great joy to begin addressing Him as “My beloved Father.” This felt true to my inner self: God loves, and I must love Him, not fear Him. And who could love a child more deeply than a father or a mother? I felt that a mother’s love was tender, yet I could not bring myself to address God as “Mother.” Perhaps I was still influenced by the Jewish teachings and my upbringing, by what I heard from friends, teachers, rabbis, and travelers passing through Nazareth. Perhaps there were still limits on my mind when it came to how I could relate to God.
So, I chose the address that felt closest to my soul and heart—“My beloved Father.”
It was through this loving address that I began to pour out my deepest thoughts to Him, asking Him about the mysteries I could not grasp. And to my amazement and joy, answers began to come. These thoughts, which felt like responses from my Father, filled me with even more light and understanding, guiding me through the darkness of my loneliness.